The Meekness of a Spiritual Father

st__gregory_the_great_icon_by_theophiliaSt. Gregory the Great says that a spiritual father should be gentle and meek. If he reproves a person who unintentionally sinned, this is especially true. If a person has malice, and has sinned willfully, that is a different story. But if a person has sinned out of “ignorance or infirmity”, then the priest is duty-bound to be very gentle when offering correction. St. Gregory describes the importance of gentleness at some length:

Some things, however, ought to be gently reproved: for, when fault is committed, not of malice, but only from ignorance or infirmity, it is certainly necessary that the very censure of it be tempered with great moderation. For it is true that all of us, so long as we subsist in this mortal flesh, are subject to the infirmities of our corruption. Every one, therefore, ought to gather from himself how it behooves him to pity another’s weakness, lest, if he be too fervently hurried to words of reprehension against a neighbour’s infirmity, he should seem to be forgetful of his own. Whence Paul admonishes well, when he says, “If a man be overtaken in any fault, you which are spiritual restore such an one in the spirit of meekness, considering yourself, lest you also be tempted” (Galatians 6:1); as if to say plainly, When what you see of the infirmity of another displeases you, consider what you are; that so the spirit may moderate itself in the zeal of reprehension, while for itself also it fears what it reprehends.

~ St Gregory the Great, Pastoral Care – Book II – Chapter X

Later in the same chapter, St. Gregory explains the spiritual dangers involved when a spiritual father is hasty to offer harsh correction:

And for the most part it happens that, when the faults of subordinates are reprehended with severe invective, the tongue of the master is betrayed into excess of language. And, when rebuke is immoderately hot, the hearts of the delinquents are depressed to despair. Wherefore it is necessary for the exasperated ruler, when he considers that he has wounded more than he should have done the feelings of his subordinates, to have recourse in his own mind to penitence, so as by lamentations to obtain pardon in the sight of the Truth; and even for this cause, that it is through the ardour of his zeal for it that he sins.

This is what the Lord in a figure enjoins through Moses, saying, “If a man go in simplicity of heart with his friend into the wood to hew wood, and the wood of the axe fly from his hand, and the iron slip from the handle and smite his friend and slay him, he shall flee unto one of the aforesaid cities and live; lest haply the next of kin to him whose blood has been shed, while his heart is hot, pursue him, and overtake him, and smite him mortally” (Deuteronomy 19:4-5).

For indeed we go with a friend into the wood as often as we betake ourselves to look into the delinquencies of subordinates. And we hew wood in simplicity of heart, when with pious intention we cut off the vices of delinquents. But the axe flies from the hand, when rebuke is drawn on to asperity more than need requires. And the iron leaps from the handle, when out of reproof issues speech too hard. And he smites and slays his friend, because overstrained contumely cuts him off from the spirit of love. For the mind of one who is reproved suddenly breaks out into hatred, if immoderate reproof charges it beyond its due. But he who smites wood incautiously and destroys his neighbour must needs fly to three cities, that in one of them he may live protected; since if, betaking himself to the laments of penitence, he is hidden under hope and charity in sacramental unity, he is not held guilty of the perpetrated homicide.

~ St Gregory the Great, Pastoral Care – Book II – Chapter X

The words of St. Gregory are quite striking in this passage. When a spiritual father is overzealous with reproof, the following dangers arise:

  • His spiritual children may be driven to depression, despair, and even hatred.
  • By unnecessarily wounding the feelings of his spiritual children, the spiritual father has sinned, and now himself must show penitence and seek pardon from the Lord.
  • By being needlessly harsh, “he smites and slays his friend,” “destroys his neighbour,” and has perpetrated a spiritual “homicide.”
  • By behaving thus toward his spiritual child, the erring spiritual father “cuts him off from the spirit of love.”

These are serious dangers, and they are not to be taken lightly. A doctor’s scalpel has the power to save life, but it also has the power to kill. So it is with the reproof of a spiritual father. If administered with wisdom, it can help bring his spiritual children to repentance and healing. But if reproof is administered too harshly, and without proper care, then it can cause damage that is potentially irreparable.

Indeed, there are times when the surgeon needs to use the scalpel, cutting away cancer, performing drastic, invasive surgery so that the patient’s life can be saved. And according to St. Gregory, there are times when it is appropriate for a spiritual father to speak very harshly to his spiritual children, so that they might be roused out of their slumber, rescued from the jaws of sin and death. And because of the dangers involved, such times need to be identified with great care. In most cases, a spiritual father should exhaust every form of gentle reproof first, before pulling out the scalpel and cutting the patient with a harsh rebuke.

A good spiritual father will pull out the scalpel, but only when absolutely necessary.

Gregory the Great - Pastoral Care

Pastoral Care – by St. Gregory

St. Gregory’s book on Pastoral Care been a standard text for well over a thousand years, and I highly recommend it for all readers. For bishops, priests, and deacons, it lays out time-tested principles for providing spiritual direction in a way which is beneficial to everyone involved. And for laymen who are currently seeking a good spiritual father, this book provides some very helpful guidelines. Either way, St. Gregory’s book has a lot to offer.

A free copy of his book is available online:

A hardback copy of his book is available from Amazon:


About Fr Joseph Gleason

I serve as a priest at Christ the King Orthodox Mission in Omaha, Illinois, and am blessed with eight children and one lovely wife. I contribute to On Behalf of All, a simple blog about Orthodox Christianity. I also blog here at The Orthodox Life.
This entry was posted in Humility, Reconciliation, Spiritual Living. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to The Meekness of a Spiritual Father

  1. This is great for parents too. How my heart is grieved at the times I have too harshly rebuked my son. Thank God that my son is forgiving and not prone to hated at his tender age. I pray that I can always act in patience and love towards those under my care and wield the scalpel carefully.

  2. Christiana says:

    Hi! Where did this icon of St. Gregory come from. And/or who is the iconographer?

  3. Pingback: The Meekness of a Spiritual Father — Good Guys Wear Black | Discerning Your Vocation In The Orthodox Church

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